15th Feb 2045
I got done today. My own fault I suppose. Last week as I came out of Tesco, and my receipt blew away as I was packing the car. I spent a half hour trying to find it but to no avail. But a licensed litter picker managed to find it. Maybe she caught it almost as soon as it blew away, I don’t know.
Anyway, the letter came today.
I’ll get the statutory fine for littering of £50n, but I’ll also have to pay the litter pickers fee of £100n, Tesco’s fee of £250n for recovering my card details from the receipt, the credit card companies fee of £250n for providing my address details to the litter prevention enforcement agency, and the latters’s admin fee of £300n. So that’s £950n I have to find. I have one month before I can expect the bailiffs.
I’m a licensed dog excrement collector. (Often called a pooper scooper). I get £100n for every piece of dog poop over 100grams I can find that results in a prosecution. By the time the dog owner has paid the fine plus my fee plus the animal DNA look fee plus the environmental agencies costs it will cost him around £2000n.
The question is can I find 10 extra clients in the next month? There are not many dogs around nowadays. It will probably mean me hiding in fields and watching for dogs doing there business out of sight of the owner then collecting it when they’ve gone. Its a risky business, if the dog or owner spot me and realise what I do things can get very nasty.
To tell the truth I don’t have any sympathy for my clients. Anyone who owns a dog these days is pretty damned rich. They could even work for the litter prevention enforcement agency! I bet they won’t have to find an extra month’s money in a month to pay their fine.